Conference Conferees

Everyone in the audience wants to meet the speaker when they finish the presentation. The applause dies — the rush begins. Elbows flailing, the strongest predators lead the charge. No problem, I think; plenty of time and I’m only tenth in line. Alas, the head of this line is the conference pest. He monopolizes the speaker’s time. Shifting from foot-to-foot, grumbling and erupting in my most stage-like throat clearing accomplishes nothing. The oblivious lout is unaware of the line behind him. This one person still has the speaker button-holed when a conference host pries the poor presenter loose from the clutches of the pest.

Next on the schedule are several round-table discussions where each facilitator works with a small group of would-be writers. This female conferee pest never heard the word succinct. Getting the facilitator’s attention, she launches into a long, rambling soliloquy turning an insignificant event into a novella. Stopping to inhale, she no longer remembers what she wanted to ask. During the lull for that inhalation, a second time-waster leaps into the breach. He relates a small slice of life story in minute and excruciating detail, in an attempt to maintain center stage. With side trips to tedium, he turns trivia into an epic saga.

The time allotted for this session has also expired. The facilitator and the other participants have a thousand-yard stare on their faces while considering whether it is worth attending any more of this conference.

The next pest corners the conference Director with a question: “Why didn’t you have a speaker representing the (pick any genre to fill the blank)?” The Director tells this guy about national organizations and conferences specializing in his particular area of writing interest. When it dawns on the persistent pest a modicum of cash would be needed to attend and join, the ardor wanes and he beats a hasty retreat.

I would be remiss if I ignored the pest who becomes a presenter. The one who prefers his voice to that of others — who prefers his own work to that of others. He has no regard for structure and schedules and “a minute” becomes a half-hour devoted to himself.

We don’t need time and space hogs wasting our time. My time is far too valuable to squander — and so is yours. Ignore and avoid these inconsiderate oafs.

A final word to the self-centered, inconsiderate pest; next time stay home.

Bee Jay